what I have learned in a space of two months about online dating ... my gripes

by Nikiwe
(Washington, DC)

When that email or phone call comes and the brother invites us on a date, we tend to ensure that we look good and do 'girly' stuff - make sure that our hair looks good, our finger and toe nail color matches the outfit we plan to wear and we pamper ourselves right? But then, the brother arrives to pick you up or meet at the planned destination and he looks like something the cat brought in ... and he has the nerve to comment on how you look (when you know you are looking very fine ... for YOU).

What about those profiles they write? Am I too critical in painstakingly looking at what they say, how they say it and the fact that they do NOT bother to check their spelling - for goodness sake, the computer has spell check!! What does it say about the brother and/or is he saying that he is not going to bother how he presents himself to you?

What about the profiles, Many of them share in no uncertain terms that they have Jesus in their lives and they are God-fearing, etc. etc and they write a sermon in their profiles! Why do they do this and why do they invoke the name of God into this equation and why would they think that we are not God-fearing sisters ... and then they treat us like last year's news after one week or once they think they know us?

Please do not get me wrong, of course, we pray to meet a good man, but do we need to impose our beliefs onto a dating site? For me, that is private and I want to believe that it shows in your person and in what comes out of your mouth and how you carry yourself: and if you are an astute people-reader, you would know... and you do not have to be a rocket scientist to sum someone up in 45 seconds - babies do it all the time, they know who to reach out their arms to in a room, regardless whether their mamas are holding them!

Finally, let me tell you what I do ... Once I have an idea and/or once the brothers give me their names ... I google them AND I google earth them (to find out their addresses/phone numbers, and I search on two websites, which I would love to share with you but would first check with Ms Michelle, if I may post the URL's on this page.

(ADDED by Michelle)
www.switchboard.com
www.zabasearch.com

Would welcome your comments and let us share our thoughts and fears and look out for each other. Too many of us have the same stories to tell ... to me, that is a problem; if we look to our parents, and we wonder how they got it right, in some cases... we need to get that formula back! As mothers, we need to work on raising our sons and daughters right - many of us are doing a superb job ... but somewhere, something has gone wrong with the formula ... come on, let's try to get it back ... I have to declare, that NOT all brothers are like this ... so it means that we also have to go back to the drawing board and look to ourselves ...

Let us open this conversation.

nikki