Tips for Black Men from a Reformed Playa - Too Many Women, too FEW Relationships

This page is dedicated to all real black men. I will offer tips, answer questions and give you my take on relationships between black men and women. My question to you is what are you looking for in a relationship? Do you want a women who is strong, independant, quiet, or talkative- sports anyone :)? Can you imagine your life with a black women who has your best interests at heart?

Seriously, most men want a woman who can handle her own. Like a take charge type. Take charge of paying the bills, keeping the house clean, not a maid, but a person who likes things in order. Housework should be shared, like all chores. I do believe in equality and sharing what must be done. Most of the men I talk to don't want a wimpy woman that can be walked over. Some one who must be told what to do or feels they must ask you for instructions/directions on everything. You can pay $20.00 and get that kind of woman off any street corner. Not the kind of relationship or woman I would want for my own.

Most men are seeking a real relationship with a woman. They are tired (or should be) of one night stands, or someone they see for that booty call. They are looking for that woman you can talk to about any and all subjects, for hours at a time. A women you would be proud to introduce to your family and friends. A lady that can hold her own in conversations with friends or strangers. A women you can trust with your feelings,your possessions and your heart. A person you would enjoy being with and look forward to seeing when you are apart. It is something my wife and I have together. Are you beginning to see how easy it would be to have that beautiful black women in your life?

We started our business, Ebony 1st Impressions to assist black men and women to meet in a safe, attractive environment in the hopes of building stronger relationships with each other.

The men we are seeking will be real, serious black men. We have listed our expectations for our men (and women) on our Rules and Regulations page. Please review and if this describes you and you live in the Baltimore/Washington area, please contact us. Should you happen to be one of our many global visitors, please read on. We have lots of info for anyone seeking a real relationship or just making their own life a little better. Links to everthing from books to our own online dating website.

This business is about helping black men and women not only get together, but also work thru the trials (hard work my brothas) and tribulations of staying together. Sign up for our ezine below. We will use this to advise you of all upcoming events.

You can improve your success in the dating game by taking your time and not just choosing the prettiest face.

Men and Relationships
Written by Leon Billups Jr.

Most men don't get into relationships because of their (dumb) friends. The ones who did all the wrong things and give bad advice i.e. She will take over your life, she will want you up under her all the time, you won't have time for your friends. They don't like to see you TOO happy, and when you are sad or upset it is always the wife/girlfriends fault. Or the brother who just broke up and is bitter or still broken over his own relationship. Don't take advice from him either! If his relationship WORKED he would still be in it! (Ladies, the same applies to women who are lonely).
As long as you know how to treat a lady, you can be happy with the one you choose to spend time with.

Let's talk about the P word-PAIN!
Most men try to drown or drug it, smoke or sedate it, or get hostile with it. We never try to deal with it on a real level. By admitting our feelings and getting some perspective we can heal from our pain and move on.

Five things men will not admit to a women

1) Being Afraid
Because we want to appear powerful we don't want our woman to know when we are afraid of anything. We want our woman to value our strength and we tend to hid our gentleness.

2) Inadequancy
Not feeling we meet the needs of our woman and family. This questions our manhood.

3) Unimportant
Feeling like we are of no value to our family and woman. We feel worthless,unwanted and weak.

4) The fear of our woman leaving
Us- losing our loved one. Valuable when we can do something of value for our loved ones.

All men fear losing their loved one no matter if they are rich or poor, attractive or not so attractive. It springs from personal insecurities which have no boundaries or limits.

5) Her other lover was better in bed than you.
Even if this is true, you need to stop looking at sex as a score card and change the focus. Sex starts with your HEAD not the bed. What makes sex GREAT are the feelings of love and commitment and intimacy that inspire the passion. If these emotions are there you need not fear being compared to a memory.

Sexual Tension vs Chemistry - Do YOU know the difference?

CHEMISTRY AND SEXUAL TENSION

source: Dating Secrets

Here's an interesting thought:

Ask 100 attractive women if they know what the words "Chemistry" and "Sexual Tension" mean, they'll all nod their heads and say "Of course!".

Ask 100 guys off the street if they know what the words "Chemistry" and "Sexual Tension" mean, and about 98 of them will give you a dumb look and say "Uh, not really".

A few will probably say things like "Um, is SexualTension like when you and a chick are having sex in a weird position and you get a cramp?".

The reality of this situation is that most attractive women know EXACTLY what Chemistry and Sexual Tension are... and they can describe them in DETAIL... but most men have literally NO IDEA... they're completely clueless.

Think about that. I'm talking about an incredible phenomenon here...

How is it POSSIBLE that one of the most important aspects of attracting a woman is something that most men know NOTHING about?

And how is it that almost ALL attractive women are totally "in the know" about this stuff?

Is there some kind of strange conspiracy against men?

Are women keeping a secret from us guys just so we won't be able to break the code?

Maybe.

I mean, think about it...

If you were an attractive woman, would you want to find a guy that you had to TEACH the concepts of Chemistry and Sexual Tension to... or would you want a guy who just "got it" on his own... "naturally"?

Duh.

You'd want the guy who already "got it".

So more likely than a conspiracy against clueless men, women just naturally respond to men who GET IT, and DON'T respond to men who DON'T.

So let's talk about these concepts a little bit more.

When a woman uses the word "Chemistry", as in"There was chemistry between us" or "I want to meet a man and have natural chemistry", she's talking about ATTRACTION.

Chemistry is about a woman perceiving thatshe and a guy are "naturally compatible" becauseher emotional and physical sparks fly when shemeets or is around that guy.

NOTE: I did NOT use the word "logical" here.

Chemistry is NOT the result of a woman meetinga man and then thinking to herself "Let's see...he is six feet tall, has a good job making 37% more than the medial salary, is the correct age for child rearing... I think that we have a natural chemistry...".

Nooooo way.

For a woman, Chemistry is either THERE, or it ISN'T.

There's no two ways about it.

Unfortunately, most guys hear the word "Chemistry" and they think it somehow equates to "The guy must be good-looking so the girl thinks he's sexy... and since I'm NOT the most handsome guy alive, women won't feel it with ME".

This is only because most guys don't get that you can make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you REGARDLESS of your looks, age, income, height, or anything else.

So let me repeat:

"Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that she and a guy are "naturally compatible" because her emotional and physical sparks fly when she meets or is around that guy."

Now let's talk about Sexual Tension.

Sexual Tension is about the interaction.

It's that feeling you get when you're in the presence of someone you're attracted to, but there are OBSTACLES, ANTICIPATION, HUMOR, and/or other ingredients in the mix that both increase the ATTRACTION, and increase the TENSION in the situation.

Sexual Tension is the combination of being pulled toward someone, but also feeling resistance at the same time.

It's about not knowing what's going to happen,but being on the edge of your seat WANTING to know what's going to happen.

Think of it this way...

If a woman KNOWS that she has you right from the beginning, she won't be as interested... this is why so many guys kill their chances with a girl instantly by going "overboard" and doing too many things to demonstrate his interest.

But if she DOESN'T know whether or not you're interested, and you keep the mystery up, while making her more and more interested, she will think about you ALL THE TIME.

This is creating Chemistry, and increasing the Sexual Tension.

Will a woman feel more ATTRACTION for a guy who always talks to her when he sees her, always calls her, and is always available?

No.

She'll feel more attraction if he's more mysterious, challenging, and unpredictable.

Remember, Sexual Tension is GOOD for attraction, not bad for it...

Chemistry plus knowledge is a dangerous thing. Add 500 HOT tips to Drive her Wild!

This article was reprinted from The Woodshed!

The following is entitled "Where the Black Men are". If you agree with this article, YOU should be in our database and attending our events. The ladies are depending on your active participation!

THE BRIDGE: WHERE THE BLACK MEN ARE--
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
by Darryl James
(Thanks James Finley)

The more I hear Black women complain about
not being able to find decent Black men,
the more my heart and mind become weary,
because I am committed to Black women.

I remain committed, however, the words of
some of today's Black women leave me saddened
and temporarily disheartened. Some Black women blame their singleness
solely on Black men, citing that since good
Black men are hard for them to find,
that there are less decent single Black men
that ever before in history. This is not based on any verified data,
which is always confusing to the throngs of
quality single men who can not find the
"abundance" of quality single women those
magazines always write about

Some Black women say that "most" Black men
are in prison, that "more" Black men are gay
and that the "best" Black men are married
to white women, but none of that has been
statistically supported. It is sad, but there are more Black men in
prison than in college. And yes, there are
Black men dying from gang violence and
from drugs, but that is not "most" of the
Black male population. There are throngs
of Black men who live beyond all of the
things that are horribly wrong, and a
great number are neither gay nor with
white women. The dicey proposition is when Black women
say that Black men are beneath their level
(financial or education), when in fact,
Black people in America don't yet have an
intrinsic level. Even many of our
so-called middle class live one paycheck
away from disaster. Black women, if you examine a man's
character first, you will find that
there are more of us than you imagined. Certainly Black men in America have
challenges, but in this nation, we are
both challenged-Black male and female. Yet with all of our challenges, some of
us are still finding each other and
marrying each other. Anyone can point out
that marriages are fewer and divorces
are more abundant, but those are stats
for the masses-they don't have to apply
to the individual. Perhaps the bigger problem is that many
Black women are no longer in circles
where quality Black men can be found. The sad fact is that many of us work in
a world where there are few of us
and live on a block where there are
also few of us, yet we complain about
not finding us and talk about the
sorry state of those of us we run into. Communities are fragmented, clubs are
polluted and many church singles
ministries mislead people into
relationships with other people
who attend church service, but do little
to follow the teachings of the ministries. Yes, things are more challenging than
they have been in a long time, but the
challenges appear even greater because
of the negative things being said
about Black men on television, in those
magazines, and, oh yes, in circles
of single Black women. I know why Black women say some of the
things that they have been saying.
It's because they are hurt and afraid. Black men are also hurt and afraid.
Any of us over the age of 21 has a
thought-provoking fear, which can lead us
away from finding love, as opposed to
hugging expensive creature comforts in
solitude, fear and pain, which morph
into hatred. Too many of us thought that we could
make things better for ourselves as
individuals, but now, the chickens have
come home to roost, because many of
us can not find quality mates. We fell from grace when we stopped
talking to each other and began talking
about each other. If we wish to make
things better, I believe it begins with
communication. The charge for each of us--men and women-
-is to begin to discuss the problems we
both face, without expressing the fear
and hatred that have been welling up
inside of us. I want one wish to go around the world
faster than an internet hoax or a
Jesus chain letter, and I want for each
person reading this to pass it on to
another person, married or single. That one simple wish is for Black men
and women to begin to change our minds
about each other. Perception is reality
and we must begin to perceive each
other differently so that we can love
each other again. I want to let Black women know that there
are still some good, kind and decent Black
men in the world and we are having a
hard time finding them as well.

Black men are in the grocery store
because we have to eat, too. Black men
are in the gas station, because we have
to drive, and yes, some of us are on
the bus or train. Black men are at
fraternity banquets, and Black men are at
plays, museums, the church and the mosque. Black men can be found in a number of
places and many times we are right
beside you-all you have to do is smile.
Be sweet and inviting and you may
get more than the reprobates to ask for
your number, or be progressive and
initiate contact with us. Whatever you
do, be grounded and open. I advise both men and women to look for
something that exists. If you are a
single woman looking for a single man,
look for examples in the men around
you. Your father, brother, uncle, cousin
or neighbor may be married and may
serve as a good measurement for the men
you date. We may not look like Denzel or bling
bling like a rap music video, but some
of us are hard working, decent men with
solid husband and father potential,
ready to love and to be loved.

You have to look around you and find real
examples, because once you are convinced
that we don't exist, then, for you,
we don't. Black women, stop saying that you can't
find a good man, or that we just don't
exist. Come at us in love and what you
will find from many of the sane, single
Black men is real love-we're trying to
find you and we want you, too.

Where are the Black men? We're right here.
( this article is from EURweb.com)

Preparation Time Is Never Wasted Time
by Kate McVeigh

While you're believing God to bring you the best, focus your attention on becoming the best you can be. To do that, you'll need preparation time. Jesus took thirty years to prepare for a three-year ministry. Solomon took seven years to build the temple. Moses was in the house of Pharaoh and on the backside of the mountain for years before he stepped into God's plan to deliver Israel from Egyptian bondage. Any good marriage needs a good foundation. The bigger your dream is, the greater the foundation that has to be laid. Maybe it seems as if it's taking a long time for the right person to come into your life. But why not take advantage of this time by preparing yourself for your future and your mate? Don't Get in a Hurry. Don't let the devil make you feel anxious about getting married. You don't want to get in a hurry. People who rush into things many times just end up frustrated or hurt. It's a big mistake to rush into marriage because you are overeager, and you end up settling for second best. Have you ever bought something in a hurry and settled for second best? For example, one time I found a pair of shoes that I absolutely adored. Only they didn't have them in my size. The shoe salesman came out from the back room with a pair that was a half-size smaller, assuring me not to worry because they would stretch. Have you been there? I tried the shoes on and they looked beautiful, but my feet were in pain! Guess what I did? I bought them anyway, because they looked good! Well, the next week I preached in them, and I could hardly concentrate on my sermon because all I could think about was needing a healing in my feet! They hurt so badly! I settled for second best. At least it was only a pair of shoes and not a husband! Don't settle for marrying someone who you know isn't the right one for you. In the end, you'll be glad you waited. We need to prepare and become like the person we're believing for. Prepare Yourself. Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead (James 2:17 NKJV). If you desire to be married and you are believing God to send you a mate, you must realize the importance of preparing yourself so that you're ready when he or she shows up. If you want your future mate to be getting prepared for you, then you should be getting prepared for that person! During this preparation time, keep trusting that God is working in both of you while you are waiting and that at the right time He will cause your paths to cross. What's on Your List? Most of the single people I meet have a list of things they're looking for in a mate. And that's good! But we need to be realistic about some of the things on our list, and most importantly, we need to look first at ourselves. Do we match the person we are looking for? Let me give you an example. I knew one woman who had a really long list of things she wanted in a husband. He had to be a millionaire, and she wanted him to be in really good shape. she wanted a "Mr. Muscle." But the funny thing was, this lady herself was in debt up to her eyebrows, and she was 70 pounds overweight! That's probably never going to work! We need to prepare and become like the person we're believing for. If you're ten pounds overweight, you can't say, " I don't want anyone who's even one pound overweight." In other words, if you want someone who is toned and gorgeous, then you need to work at becoming more like that. If you want someone who is good with money, you need to become a person who is good with money. The simplest way to say it is: You need to become what you are looking for.
Source: Single and Loving It by Kate McVeigh
Excerpt permission granted by Harrison House Publishers
"God is ready for you to move into the next level of His abundance." Dr. John Avanzini "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

Thanks Steve G.

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Please join us on this journey. We are here to assist you!Good luck and looking forward to meeting each of you.

Leon

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