Through With the Lost and Confused

by Fatima
(California)

I was the type of girl whom dreamed of having that perfect fairy tale happy ending with the guy that every girl dreamed of having and every man wanted to be.
Yet with the amount of blind dates I had been on in order to find perfection I realised the most prevalent thing that I had been missing all along was the notion of no one is perfect. I had always primed my self to be the vision of beauty the flawless chahracter that no man would deny. Nevertheless after hip hoping out of the sheets I realised I was only giving a part of my self each time away with receiving no emotion back in return.
That's where it all changed, we all come with preconceived notions of what we want not that I'm saying anything is wrong with preference but I was always looking in the wrong places in order to find love.

I thought I could change the player, the one whom had the gift of the gab, yet change has to come from the individual no matter how hard you may try to mould them into your ideal, that would only throw them off because it felt a little too invasive and I suppose that's how I was being. Then the attitude change kicked in I became cold and detatched with the world and began to be the individual of what I hated most. I lost a glimmer about me that I was so afraid of and resentment hit in and I began to see 'men' as nothing other than a utensil to be used and put back in the drawer till later. I feared I would end up a rotten old woman despising men for their fall backs and inability to do the right thing.

I had my heart bruised so many times that I truly lost hope of ever finding 'the one', well like the cliche goes after every storm comes a ray of sunshine.

He shall remain nameless for now, but he was like my life saver in a bottomless ocean that I was drowning in. He wasn't the most amazingly good looking guy on the planet but I began to look past all those ideologies I once had and saw that this guy was deep, he had more to offer to the plate then just his good looks, I held down an incredible conversation with him and before meeting I can honestly say I began to feel to those butterflies like a jittery teenager gets on her first date. However, neither was I a teenager and nor was I thinking about commitment. Nevertheless this guy didn't give me the same script that most guys give on an initial meeting he had a certain something like the french say je n'est ce quoi. Of all the places we could have met it was the library.

Well it's been three whole years and he is everything I expected him not to be. He wasn't a player like most magazines would make the black brother out to be, he wasn't a promiscuous dater harbouring disease and no he is by no means gay. Funny, because I thought he would get bored or be nonchalent in his mannerism but he was above all those things and most importantly he made me believe in myself again. Very rare do you meet someone who you think is going to be amazing for you because we're always looking for that someone we can show off like a trophy; but what I came to realise in all my past experiences no matter how good looking an individual is, you measure them by the content of their character not the reputation they've supposedly come with. Any one can fall into a steretype and unfortunately I find the sisters more inclined to buy the hype because I was one of them. Now, what I understand is, sometimes it's far better to have someone who thinks the world of you rather than you trying to make a world for them, becuase more than likely it will go unappreciated and us females will be the only ones left to pick up the pieces.
Striving for perfection is never a flaw, trying to find it and thinking its achievable is always somewhat harder. I was always on the look out for the gorgeous guy but I noticed that they would see me more as an intimidation rather than a potential 'wife' material. Now I've found someone whose willing to give it all because he had something to share and what's the use of having the world with no one to share it with?

So I was through with the lost and confused and gave the not so good looking guy a shot and guess what- it worked out beautifully. So maybe he doesn't have the six pack toned stomachs like my past partners had or maybe he has too much of a receding hairline but he's perfect for me. All I had to do was look beyond the preconceived notion of society and find someone who adored me from the first moment he met.