Black Relationships -Tips for Black Women - Are YOU Ready to Meet the Man of YOUR Dreams?

Relationships and the new black woman is one part of our focus for this website, our business and our dating sites. We offer information on finding, building and keeping, strong black relationships. There will be articles written by myself, and my husband Leon on the different ways men and women perceive, pursue and develop ongoing relationships. Relationship tips, dating tips and marriage insights will also be included.

Men ARE different from women. To understand a man, you first must be comfortable with and KNOW yourself. This prepares you to let the man be the man without being challenged, disrespected, taken advantage of or disregarded. Your feelings and thoughts are important. To get the respect you truly deserve, you must give YOUUSELF that same respect. A man will treat you the way you treat yourself.

Do YOU want to be THE WOMAN a man ADORES?

New BOOKS! I have added two more must read books to the book list and felt they are SO important that I am also adding them to this page. Ladies, don't be fooled, mislead or lied to ever, EVER AGAIN! There are PLENTY of good black men, are you ready to meet them?!

He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo

The simple truth from a man who shoots down every excuse a man (or you make for a man) can give you. Face the truth and the truth WILL set you FREE!

Sacred Pampering Principles

Debrena Jackson Gandy

Take care of yourself FIRST and there will be more joy, grace and ease in your daily life with or without a "man". I have always subscribed to this but the details of this book are helpful reminders of WHY. Bubble bath time with the bathroom door shut meant mommy was in the tub, with a good book and the sun shining through the skylight. Simple pleasures that rejuvinated me for the next week. Please read these books if you are serious in your quest for a mate worthy of your time, love and attention. You must be the light you seek, the person you seek will rise or fall to YOUR level.

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This was taken from "The Woodshed" but came from EURweb which I am glad to know is still around. Enjoy and keep the faith!

THE BRIDGE: WHERE THE BLACK MEN ARE--
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
by Darryl James
(Thanks James Finley)

The more I hear Black women complain about
not being able to find decent Black men,
the more my heart and mind become weary,
because I am committed to Black women.

I remain committed, however, the words of
some of today's Black women leave me saddened
and temporarily disheartened.

Some Black women blame their singleness
solely on Black men, citing that since good
Black men are hard for them to find,
that there are less decent single Black men
that ever before in history.

This is not based on any verified data,
which is always confusing to the throngs of
quality single men who can not find the
"abundance" of quality single women those
magazines always write about

Some Black women say that "most" Black men
are in prison, that "more" Black men are gay
and that the "best" Black men are married
to white women, but none of that has been
statistically supported.

It is sad, but there are more Black men in
prison than in college. And yes, there are
Black men dying from gang violence and
from drugs, but that is not "most" of the
Black male population. There are throngs
of Black men who live beyond all of the
things that are horribly wrong, and a
great number are neither gay nor with
white women.

The dicey proposition is when Black women
say that Black men are beneath their level
(financial or education), when in fact,
Black people in America don't yet have an
intrinsic level. Even many of our
so-called middle class live one paycheck
away from disaster.

Black women, if you examine a man's
character first, you will find that
there are more of us than you imagined.

Certainly Black men in America have
challenges, but in this nation, we are
both challenged-Black male and female.

Yet with all of our challenges, some of
us are still finding each other and
marrying each other. Anyone can point out
that marriages are fewer and divorces
are more abundant, but those are stats
for the masses-they don't have to apply
to the individual.

Perhaps the bigger problem is that many
Black women are no longer in circles
where quality Black men can be found.

The sad fact is that many of us work in
a world where there are few of us
and live on a block where there are
also few of us, yet we complain about
not finding us and talk about the
sorry state of those of us we run into.

Communities are fragmented, clubs are
polluted and many church singles
ministries mislead people into
relationships with other people who
attend church service, but do little
to follow the teachings of the ministries.

Yes, things are more challenging than
they have been in a long time, but the
challenges appear even greater because
of the negative things being said
about Black men on television, in those
magazines, and, oh yes, in circles
of single Black women.

I know why Black women say some of the
things that they have been saying.
It's because they are hurt and afraid.

Black men are also hurt and afraid.

Any of us over the age of 21 has a
thought-provoking fear, which can lead us
away from finding love, as opposed to
hugging expensive creature comforts in
solitude, fear and pain, which morph
into hatred.

Too many of us thought that we could
make things better for ourselves as
individuals, but now, the chickens have
come home to roost, because many of
us can not find quality mates.

We fell from grace when we stopped
talking to each other and began talkingthings better, I believe it begins with
communication.

The charge for each of us--men and women-
-is to begin to discuss the problems we
both face, without expressing the fear
and hatred that have been welling up
inside of us.

I want one wish to go around the world
faster than an internet hoax or a
Jesus chain letter, and I want for each
person reading this to pass it on to
another person, married or single.

That one simple wish is for Black men
and women to begin to change our minds
about each other. Perception is reality
and we must begin to perceive each
other differently so that we can love
each other again.

I want to let Black women know that there
are still some good, kind and decent Black
men in the world and we are having a
hard time finding them as well.

Black men are in the grocery store
because we have to eat, too. Black men
are in the gas station, because we have
to drive, and yes, some of us are on
the bus or train. Black men are at
fraternity banquets, and Black men are at
plays, museums, the church and the mosque.

Black men can be found in a number of
places and many times we are right
beside you-all you have to do is smile.
Be sweet and inviting and you may
get more than the reprobates to ask for
your number, or be progressive and
initiate contact with us. Whatever you
do, be grounded and open.

I advise both men and women to look for
something that exists. If you are a
single woman looking for a single man,
look for examples in the men around
you. Your father, brother, uncle, cousin
or neighbor may be married and may
serve as a good measurement for the men
you date.

We may not look like Denzel or bling
bling like a rap music video, but some
of us are hard working, decent men with
solid husband and father potential,
ready to love and to be loved.

You have to look around you and find real
examples, because once you are convinced
that we don't exist, then, for you,
we don't.

Black women, stop saying that you can't
find a good man, or that we just don't
exist. Come at us in love and what you
will find from many of the sane, single
Black men is real love-we're trying to
find you and we want you, too.

Where are the Black men? We're right here.
( this article is from EURweb.com)

Email is a wonderful tool. This is a message I am passing along.. (thanks Blanchard)

Finding, Accepting, & Being A Mate

Years ago, while in prayer, I asked God to send me my
husband. For, the Bible says, "You have not because
you ask not. "I told the Lord not just .that I wanted
a husband, but I even explained to him the kind of
husband I was looking for. I told him I wanted someone
that was kind, tender, gentle, compassionate, loving,
sincere, peaceful, generous, affectionate,
understanding, passionate, warm, intelligent,
humorous, sensual, and trustful. I even mentioned
things I wanted him to be physically. And, as time
passed, I would add more things to this list of
my heart's desire for my husband.

Then one night in prayer, God spoke to my heart and said,
"Daughter, I cannot give you what you've asked me for."
I said, "Why not Lord?" He replied, "For I am a just
God, and a God of righteousness, and all I do is just
and right." I said, "Lord, I don't understand why I
cannot have what I have asked you for." He replied,
"Then I will explain." "It would not be just and right
for me to grant to you your wish, for I cannot give
unto you something that you are not yourself. "It
would not be fair for me to grant unto you a person,
that is loving if you can sometimes be hateful. Or
someone that is kind, if you can also be mean...
someone that is a forgiver, and yet you can still
carry a grudge...someone that is sensitive, and you
are yet so insensitive.....etc. He said unto me,
"Instead of wasting time trying to find someone, or
hoping that I will give you someone with all these
qualities you seek, you should rather allow me to take
this time to allow you to become all it is that you
are looking for. "For I cannot give to you that which
you are not." "And if you allow me to work upon your
spirit, and to shape and mold your heart as I
choose, then, when you see the one I have for you, you
will be able to say like Adam said, "She is bone of my
bone, and she is flesh of my flesh" for you will see
yourself in him...for you both will be one flesh.
Keep this in mind.
This is for all: the recently married;
the soon to be married; and the ones that are still
looking. "I am that I am..."
Exodus 3:14

Thanks Steve G.

Preparation Time Is Never Wasted Time
by Kate McVeigh

While you're believing God to bring you the best, focus your attention on becoming the best you can be. To do that, you'll need preparation time. Jesus took thirty years to prepare for a three-year ministry. Solomon took seven years to build the temple. Moses was in the house of Pharaoh and on the backside of the mountain for years before he stepped into God's plan to deliver Israel from Egyptian bondage. Any good marriage needs a good foundation. The bigger your dream is, the greater the foundation that has to be laid. Maybe it seems as if it's taking a long time for the right person to come into your life. But why not take advantage of this time by preparing yourself for your future and your mate? Don't Get in a Hurry. Don't let the devil make you feel anxious about getting married. You don't want to get in a hurry. People who rush into things many times just end up frustrated or hurt. It's a big mistake to rush into marriage because you are overeager, and you end up settling for second best. Have you ever bought something in a hurry and settled for second best? For example, one time I found a pair of shoes that I absolutely adored. Only they didn't have them in my size. The shoe salesman came out from the back room with a pair that was a half-size smaller, assuring me not to worry because they would stretch. Have you been there? I tried the shoes on and they looked beautiful, but my feet were in pain! Guess what I did? I bought them anyway, because they looked good! Well, the next week I preached in them, and I could hardly concentrate on my sermon because all I could think about was needing a healing in my feet! They hurt so badly! I settled for second best. At least it was only a pair of shoes and not a husband! Don't settle for marrying someone who you know isn't the right one for you. In the end, you'll be glad you waited. We need to prepare and become like the person we're believing for. Prepare Yourself. Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead (James 2:17 NKJV). If you desire to be married and you are believing God to send you a mate, you must realize the importance of preparing yourself so that you're ready when he or she shows up. If you want your future mate to be getting prepared for you, then you should be getting prepared for that person! During this preparation time, keep trusting that God is working in both of you while you are waiting and that at the right time He will cause your paths to cross. What's on Your List? Most of the single people I meet have a list of things they're looking for in a mate. And that's good! But we need to be realistic about some of the things on our list, and most importantly, we need to look first at ourselves. Do we match the person we are looking for? Let me give you an example. I knew one woman who had a really long list of things she wanted in a husband. He had to be a millionaire, and she wanted him to be in really good shape. she wanted a "Mr. Muscle." But the funny thing was, this lady herself was in debt up to her eyebrows, and she was 70 pounds overweight! That's probably never going to work! We need to prepare and become like the person we're believing for. If you're ten pounds overweight, you can't say, " I don't want anyone who's even one pound overweight." In other words, if you want someone who is toned and gorgeous, then you need to work at becoming more like that. If you want someone who is good with money, you need to become a person who is good with money. The simplest way to say it is: You need to become what you are looking for.

Source: Single and Loving It by Kate McVeigh

Excerpt permission granted by Harrison House Publishers "God is ready for you to move into the next level of His abundance." Dr. John Avanzini "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

The following is from an email that touched my heart and I would like to share with the you.

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking "Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask "What can you bring to the table?" The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated: I am not referring to money.

I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spiel, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said "You are asking a lot." She replied "I'm worth a lot."

My Sista- I don't know who penned this but it is profound in its simplicity. The key to good and great relationships lies in knowing yourself FIRST.

We will offer a free ebook for those of you looking for Mr. Right the right way. Dating black men does not have to be a challenge. The stronger, clearer and more focused you are the easier your search will be. The fuller your life is, the easier to find the black man who is right for you. God provides at the right time and in the right way. Trust him.

The following was in an ezine I received weekly called the Woodshed. It was filled with tips on relationships, black history, bible quotes, etc and has a diverse following. interested.

EIGHT WAYS TO BE A BETTER FRIEND
- By Susie Cortright
Self Improvement Newsletter
------------------------------------------------------------
Being a good friend is a skill we can learn and improve upon. Here are eight ways to be a better friend.

Number One: Like yourself

The first step in having a good relationship with a friend is to have a good relationship with yourself. When we genuinely like ourselves, we become more attractive to other people. We have more to offer othersbecause we are not constantly focused on our own image and reputation. We become better friends because we don't cling. We are secure enough to spend time with a friend because we want to, not because we need to.

Number Two: Choose wisely

Relationships among true friends take a steady dose of time and energy--two resources in limited supply for all of us. Identify the friends with whom you wish to create a closer bond. It's perfectly okay if not all of your acquaintances make the list. The closeness of your connections is far more important than the length of your guest lists.

Number Three: Make the time

Friends are important in many ways--so much so that these relationships often take on a life of their own. You owe it to yourself (and to your friends) to make these relationships a priority. Carve out some quality time for one another.

Number Four: Make the first move

If you want to improve your relationships, put your fear of rejection aside and start taking more risks. Invite your friends to lunch. Organize a new playgroup. Invite them over for dinner. Too often, we fail to follow up with our friends. Don't miss out-just make the first phone call. Your friends are just as anxious to get together asyou are.

Number Five: The Golden Rule

Treat your friends as you wish to be treated. Stated another way: "To have a friend, be a friend." Focus more on being interested than on being interesting. Be enthusiastic and energetic. Avoid complaining, gossiping, and criticizing.

Number Six: Sweat the Small Stuff

Make your friends feel significant by remembering small kindnesses. Noticeher new haircut. Remember to ask about her mother-in-law's surgery. Send flowers or a simple email when you know she needs it most.

Number Seven: Listen

Good listeners are hard to find, and honing your skills can be a long-term project.

A few tips: -Slow down. Try not to finish your friend's sentences. If you catch yourself planning your response while your friend is still talking, gently remind yourself to focus on the speaker.
-Show her/him you are listening. Maintain eye contact. Offer nods and murmurs that indicate you understand her/his point of view.
-Minimize distractions.
-Ask questions.
-Be careful with advice. Assume your friend wants to vent her frustrations, not ask you for a plan of action.

Number Eight: Be loyal

We all need someone in our corner. If your friend isn't there to defend herself against gossip or criticism, speak up, and know she would do the same for you.

The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you do is who you become."

Hericlitus

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Be Blessed.

Michelle