Introducing New Articles by Steve Brown!

I would like to introduce a good friend and author Steve Brown. He has graciously accepted my invitation to write articles from the Black Man's point of view. He has free reign. I look forward to seeing what he has to say!
Please read his 1st offering and look for many more!
Thanks as Always for your time!

Michelle D. Smith

The Day The Music Died (Again)

In the 1970’s pop hit American Pie” Don McLean sang about the day the music died. He was referring to the airplane crash in the 1950’s that claimed the lives of Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens, among others. That was before my time. Those of us of a certain age remember other milestones – hearing that John Lennon had been shot and killed. That Marvin Gaye had been murdered by his father. In the 1980’s when David Ruffin died under mysterious circumstances I wrote an essay titled “The Day The Music Died” because although The Temptations continue to perform to this day, the voice that sung “My Girl”, “I Wish It Would Rain”, “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” and so many other hits that helped to define the Motown sound would never be heard again.

I’m sure that some people felt the same way when Elvis OD’d or when Kurt Cobain took his own life. I felt the same way again myself when Michael Jackson, who was about my age, tragically passed away.

Although he wasn’t a singer or musician and although he had been out of the public eye for well over a decade, the music has died again with the apparent suicide of Soul Train creator and host Don Cornelius. Generations of us grew up with Soul Train. My daughter in college was a toddler when Don Cornelius stopped hosting the show, yet all of her classmates knew who he was and reacted with sadness to the news of his death.

Mr. Cornelius was recognized and appreciated as an icon in our community, yet his contributions and accomplishments were still sorely undervalued. For starters, Soul Train was a Black-owned business owned and financed by Don Cornelius himself. He hired Black cameramen and producers. His show showed us Black people who weren’t actors portraying maids, janitors or junkmen, or worse, muggers and prostitutes. We saw young Black people having fun being themselves. In a time before cable tv and music videos, Soul Train provided us with an opportunity to see how our peers dressed and danced. And as importantly, it gave a stage to hundreds of performers who weren’t deemed popular enough for ‘mainstream’ television. Sure, The Supremes, Temptations, James Brown and a few others may have appeared on Ed Sullivan or Johnny Carson or even had their own specials. But Mr. Cornelius showed us the artists and songs who were popular among us. The Mandrills, Blue Magics, Betty Wrights, the Staples Singers and so many more. Hell, Marvin Gaye even sung of meeting his 2nd wife while “she was looking good on Soul Train”.

Mr. Cornelius is remembered by many for his Afro and velvety voice and for innovations such as the Soul Train line, which remains a staple of parties and wedding receptions to this day, and the Soul Train scramble board. Even the commercials were Black – Ultra Sheen, Afro Sheen and Fashion Fair cosmetics. His impact cannot be overstated.

Mr. Cornelius, at the end of each episode you wished us love, peace and soul!!! Well I hope that before you left this earth you knew how much you truly were loved; and now that you gone, I hope that your soul is at peace. R.I.P.

Steve Brown
2/3/12

Are YOU Ready For Prime Time?

Dating in 2011 is the “same game” in a different year. Are you the same person you were in your last relationship? Hope not. Your relationships ALL have something to teach you. Not just about the other person but about yourself as well. What did you learn? How did you grow? Please take the time to actually answer these questions because they will have an impact on your NEXT relationship!

Are you carrying any baggage from the last 1+ relationships or marriage? What generalizations do you find yourself making regarding black women or black men? This goes back to the original questions about lessons learned and personal growth. Should you not have learned the “lesson” it WILL continue to repeat itself again and again. Surely you don’t need the drama, pain or anguish.

How self- aware are you? Has your self awareness grown? Self -awareness shows signs of growth when you censor your own thoughts regarding men or women. It is not that you don’t have negative thoughts or ideas regarding the opposite sex. What is amazing is when you catch yourself with these thoughts, preferably before you actually speak the words you are thinking. This is self awareness. Heal yourself- bless the world!

Has your confidence in yourself improved/grown or lessened? This is another question to be answered by you. If your confidence (not conceit or self centeredness) has grown, congratulations! Should you be less confident now than in your past relationship, please review paragraphs one and two and really ANSWER the questions. The questions are for you to assess yourself. Honesty with self is most important in establishing a great relationship. Who wants to be with a person who does not respect or love themselves? There are those who LOVE these kinds of relationships because they do not respect or love themselves. YOU are not looking for that person!

Listen to your intuition! In looking back on any “failed” relationship, there is always a point where you knew and could see the writing on the wall. Many people look past the supposed flaws (I can change him/her) and character traits that seem out of place with the person you thought you were in a relationship with. That is the true personality coming through. It can be anywhere from 2-6 months before THAT person comes in sight. Hopefully, the person you see at 6 months is the SAME person you saw in the beginning. That, my friend is a real person with no hidden agendas and at least some inkling of who they are and what they choose to be about. Congrats again- good work! Should this begin to show signs of a different person – take the time to assess if this is the person you really want to be with. Do NOT let fear or anxiety have any place in this conversation. You have been alone before – you are strong enough to be alone again should the need arise.

NO GAMES! Please do not play games with another’s emotions. It is unworthy, ugly and beneath you. Games do not belong in an adult relationship. Be honest with yourself and the person you are currently dating. Do not be afraid to tell someone you don’t see a relationship in the cards, you are not my type, etc. BE HONEST!

Fair exchange is no robbery! I love that expression. A great example of this is the dinner date. Anyone who thinks you owe them “something” because they took you to dinner is delusional! They had the pleasure of your company- that is a fair exchange!

Be Accountable!
ACCOUNTABILITY:the quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's action. (Per Merriam Webster). Wow what a mouthful. This is so important, don't know how I forgot about it. You always want to be accountable yourself. Always! You should hold everyone in your circle to the same standard. Forget the feeble excuses and outright lies. Do not accept anything less then full accountability from anyone you have a relationship with. This should be something you demand of a potential mate. Remember, if you let things slide early in the relationship- YOU are setting yourself up for failure!

There are times when you don’t know how you feel about a person. So let them know that. If they wish to continue dating, so be it but let them know! Also (this is for women) if a man tells you he is not interested in a relationship BELIEVE him! You can still hang out with this person but until he tells you otherwise, you are just a friend. Do not try to change his outlook and be glad you have a person to hang out with.

Be a blessing to others and KNOW the blessings will be returned to you.
Peace out!

Ban Sex After 90 Days

Sex is an important component in your life but when should it happen after meeting Mr. Right? Should you wait 30 days, 90 days, or a week after meeting him? In this week’s article I am going to share with you the views on sex and dating. Are you following the 90 day sex rule? I recently read Steve Harvey’s book entitled “Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man” and he states that women should wait 90 days before having sex. I really love Steve Harvey and his book but I really disagree with this rule. The problem that I have with Steve Harvey’s rule is that this rule actually puts you in a box and it doesn’t allow you to create your own set of standards when it comes to sex. Speaking from personal experience making a man wait or having sex too soon can be detrimental to you or it could enhance the relationship. I believe the most important thing that you should realize is to have your own set of standards when it comes to sex, stand firm on those standards, and be able to communicate them effectively to the person that you are dating. Last week, one of my clients and I actually created a set of boundaries around sex on her journey to attracting Mr. Right. This is important when attracting Mr. Right because you are already aware of your boundaries, prevents you from getting yourself into an awkward situation, and you are able to communicate this to the man that you are dating. I would like for you to also create a set of boundaries and/or standards around sex while dating. Mr. Right Attraction Assignment 1. Create a set of standards and/or boundaries around sex while dating. One of my diamond clients created some standards that included: • The man she is dating is not allowed to her house after hours or allowed in her bedroom. • If he is to spend the night he has to sleep on the couch.• She also decided that she wasn’t having sex until she knew there was a chance of marriage and they have been in a healthy relationship for a while.

2. Get clear and understand why you are creating these standards. Your reason for creating your boundaries may be because you were in a previous relationship and want to prevent yourself from being hurt or it may be because of your religious beliefs. Know the reason.

3. Be able to communicate those boundaries to the man you are dating. In any relationship, communication is very important. Keep a mental note of when you are going to bring up the topic of sex while dating and how you are going to communicate that to the man you’re dating.

Need Help Attracting Mr. Right?

Do you need help with attracting Mr. Right? Download my F.R.E.E. Guide ’23 Tips to Attract Mr. Right on my site, Guiding You 2 Success

© 2011 Guiding U2 Success, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Are You Showing Gratitude Every Day?

Living in gratitude is a daily practice. It is learned behavior though some seem born with that attitude. Dealing with challenges, illness, loneliness and other aspects of our human life may seem relentless and brutal. It is how you react to the challenges that help you grow as a person.

Just think for a minute – and start to count your BLESSINGS!
Yes this has been told time and time again. I grew up hearing it as I am sure some of you did as well. However, it is truer today than it has ever been.

Be aware of your very personal relationship with God.
You don't need a church or preacher to give you access to the one who has given you breath. YOU are all you need with an open heart and open mind.

Capitalize on all your blessings.
Are you working or is your business still afloat? Be thankful because many do not have jobs and many, many small businesses have folded. Do you have a place to live and the means in which to pay for that home? Even with no apparent means, miracles happen every day! What about heat, water and family? These are things many take for granted as "entitlements." They are blessings, no matter how hard you worked to get them; if you STILL have them you are blessed.

No "partner, soul mate or someone special"?
Take a look around your own community. There is much to be done, people to feed, clothe and train. This is a perfect time to reach out and help someone else. Don't believe the bs that everyone without a job is at fault. They all are not. Don't believe if folks would just try a little harder, they would not be in the position in which they find themselves. That kind of thinking fosters separation and allows you to see others as less than yourself. NO ONE is more or better than anyone else!

This one task is most difficult to do. I have to remind myself that those I consider "trailer trash and rednecks" are also people. Some of them have serious issues, but it is not my place (or yours) to judge them. Labeling another person means in your mind you have made them "less than". What you can do is send them a prayer (difficult I know) and release their ignorance from your mind. Just let it go. You have much to be grateful for and that is your only focus.

"I want someone to love me for me", you say.
Being loved for you means you are ready to accept that person as they are- not as you wish them to be. Having the ability to love another as they are will help bring that person to you. Do you know, really know what and whom you are looking for. Not a list of physical characteristics, but real character traits. Traits such as honesty, respect for women, LIKING WOMEN (and men). Some men don't like women (and vice versa) so the relationship has no foundation. Do they respect your time (show up on time for dates or appointments)? Are they gracious to others and do they smile more than they frown? Have and do they take responsibility for themselves? Not just in a material sense, but do they make excuses for their behavior or the way they think?

Just a few things to think about. Be joyous - happiness is contagious. Be kind - it only takes a minute to hold a door open, thank the cashier in the grocery store or department store.

If your business is booming be thankful and tuck some away for the slower times of year. Have a job? Be thankful. Plan a well deserved vacation- alone if you must.

Be Light- don't take yourself so seriously! Enjoy this wonderful year of 2011 for what it is. A Blessing!

Thank you for taking time to read this short essay. It is much appreciated!

Happy New Year of 2011!